...More Than I Could Chew

Okay, okay, so I didn't complete the task I set out to do last month. I didn't think March would be so full of other things I had to do, but fear not, faithful blog followers, the Bond Marathon will continue into next month. Luckily, I'm halfway through (with The Spy Who Loved Me and For Eyes Your Only reviews to follow) so watching 12 films in 30 days is a feat I know I can achieve. What really frustrates me is that I am so focused on finishing this project that I haven't written a 2010 film review since February. I have not forsaken you; I will get back on track as quick as I can. In the mean time: enjoy the movies!

Day 22: The Man with the Golden Gun

As far as sophomore performances go for Bond actors, the franchise is 2-for-2. What separates The Man with the Golden Gun from other Bond films is that Scaramanga is somewhat the opposite of Bond, a doppelganger if you will. Christopher Lee is so delightfully evil that he is, in fact, one of my favorite villains in the Bond franchise. He kills because he can and he’s damn good at it too. So good that he requires only one bullet to kill his target. It might also be because gold bullets are horribly expensive and even a one million dollar payout per kill might not cover ammunition expenses. He lures others to his island to engage them in a game of cat-and-mouse in a funhouse Scaramanga has designed underneath his luxurious island. He also has a wax statue of Bond himself in a room, most likely there to keep Scaramanga looking toward the future when he can finally kill his Bond.

Scaramanga has been labeled the evil side of Bond, being able to slither and slink through big cities without being noticed, killing for pleasure and money, not for queen and country. Not only that, but he is like other Bond villains, using his power to obtain an object that will help with their journey to world domination. Though this film was made with an environmental theme, the film does not date itself, but instead uses it as a plot device for another Bond mission.

MI6 is sent a golden bullet with Bond’s number engraved on it and they are misled to believe that Scaramanga has sent it to intimidate Bond. The person truly behind the message is actually Andrea Anders, Scaramanga’s woman, who is tired of the restricted, yet lavish life she has. She wants Bond to defeat Scaramanga and free her from her life. What sets the film apart from others in the usual Bond formula is that Andrea could be considered the true Bond girl instead of Mary Goodnight, a young agent who has no reason to be in the film other than to guide Bond to Scaramanga’s island from the back seat of his trunk. Andrea’s actions throughout the film are important to the story rather than Goodnight running around Scaramanga’s island in a bikini (Diamonds Are Forever all over again!)

Golden Gun also tried to build on Moore’s success by including extra characters from previous films. As Bond is escaping Hai Fat’s henchmen on a motorboat through the waterways of Thailand, we are reunited with Sheriff JW Pepper from Live and Let Die. I’m not sure why a Louisiana sheriff is vacationing in Thailand, but he is still as irritating as ever and Bond knows it. Pepper is sitting in a vehicle in a car dealership (thinking about buying a car while on vacation?) when Bond jumps in aiming to follow Scaramanga to his hideout. On their pursuit, Bond attempts a stunt in order to make up for lost time. The stunt, if you’re not familiar with it, is one of more well-known in the series. It has Bond doing a 360˚ horizontal spin across a canal assisted by ramps built to get the car over the water. It’s a hilarious stunt, but it’s real. One that has since been unequaled in cinema to my knowledge.

Because Golden Gun hadn’t yet fully fallen to the tongue-in-cheek humor later Bond films would possess, it makes this mission an enjoyable one. B

Day 17: Live and Let Die

If I plan this out correctly, I can still finish this Bond film commitment, though I may have to do some double features over the course of a few days. That aside, I am still cranking through these Bond films and enjoying them all over again as I watch the development of this wonderful franchise.

As I enter the Roger Moore era of Bond, I felt a sense of comfort as Moore was the Bond I grew up on and when I say that, I realize I wasn't born in the 70s, but it happened to be the era that my mom most enjoyed and as such she placed me on a serious diet of Moore/Bond adventures and these were the films that I remember so much as a kid.

Roger Moore's first scene as Bond happens to be in bed with a woman (surprise), an interesting way to introduce a new Bond. Perhaps producer and writer alike wanted to segue easily without pulling a technique they used with Lazenby in OHMSS. This is also the second time we get to see Bond in his home, a very different one from the penthouse we saw in Dr. No. Yet it is still an invitation to see a little glimpse of the personal side of a man whom we are used to seeing saving the world over and over again. Bond does have a place he calls home even though he is having to travel the world to exotic locations. He even has a coffee pot.

As soon as Bond lands in New York, action occurs right away. His driver is killed by a poisoned dart and Bond is forced to drive the car from the back seat. Bond hijacks a double-decker bus and cleverly disposes his pursuers. He also engages in the longest boat chase I can remember.

Live and Let Die also has one of the most beautiful women in the series: Jame Seymour's Solitaire. This was her first film role and being 22 at the time the film was released, you could tell she would be a bombshell as she got older. In fact, Jane is still one of the classiest women in Hollywood today. Rosie Carver, considered a Bond girl though she turns out to be a spy working for Kananga, does not come close to the sexual appeal of Seymour. In fact, Carver's character becomes so annoying, it's no surprising Kananga kills her less than an hour in.

Live and Let Die was practically a 180-degree from Diamonds Are Forever. Live dealt with voodoo, an already dangerous, taboo subject. It dealt with interracial relationships and pushed the envelope with how dark a film Bond could be. In fact, I know off-hand that this is the only Bond film to deal with the dark arts. The topic is able to write its own intensity because conjuring up demons and magic potions through interpretive dance is already creepy enough. B+

Day 16: Diamonds Are Forever

The first Bond film of the 1970s and Sean Connery returns as James Bond. Seems like a pretty awesome formula for a Bond film. Unfortunately, it is a recipe for disaster. Connery has aged plenty since his debut as Bond nine years ago. The lines in his face and his overall aging separate him from the sexually appealing man he was in 1962. True, he can still keep up with the physical and sexual demands Bond must have, but Diamonds never took itself seriously. Diamonds are, of course, a wonderful plot device for any spy/government thriller. However, what the diamonds will be used for reaches over the top for any villain's plan thus far. It also tries too hard to throw the audience off when the first scene has Bond threatening every source as to Blofeld's whereabouts. So when Bond drowns Blofeld in a mud pit, we're supposed to cheer and rejoice that Bond's nemesis has finally died, even after we've seen in two previous films that Blofeld doesn't go down so easily.

Bond is at peace with Blofeld's apparent death when MI6 has learns that diamonds are being smuggled out of South Africa to an unknown buyer. A buyer that Bond must track down by way of posing as a smuggler himself. A buyer that Bond will find out is Blofeld (gasp!) posing as hotel millionaire Williard Whyte (none other than sausage king Jimmy Dean) so Blofeld can use the diamonds in a satellite to destroy nuclear missiles. I should also point out that Blofeld's cat seems to get more screen time than Blofeld himself.

Tiffany Case, who is also a smuggler, and one that Bond must meet to learn who the next link in the chain is, gives an initial impression as a smart criminal. She dusts very discreetly for fingerprints to see if Bond is who he says he is (even though Bond is posing as real smuggler Peter Franks) and she understands the dangerous risks she is taking as a smuggler. Yet for some reason, she becomes sluggish and dull as the movie progresses. Her smarts have suddenly turned into naive supports, especially during the assault on Blofeld's oil rig when she is dumbed down and has to run around the base in a bikini completely helpless.

Diamonds also has its periods of implausibility, like its predecessors, yet more noticeable. Bond is somehow able to sneak into the back of a van at a gas station while there is a car idling behind the van. How Bond did this without the driver of the car behind him ever knowing will always be a mystery. Perhaps the driver was so busy screaming at Tiffany to move her own car that he didn't notice the 6-foot man open and close the van door. Diamonds also uses the most cursing ever found in a Bond film thus far. Bond calls Tiffany a colorful word, though it's for red herring purposes and Shady Tree, another smuggler, wants to know where his diamonds are, while using a nice 7-letter word that doesn't use the letter 'f'.

Even though Diamonds has its Bond-necessary implements, it gave off a negative aura because of its corniness. Bond's record is private knowledge, I'm sure, but Tiffany Case knows exactly who he is after she finds Bond's passport planted on a body ("You just killed James Bond!"); Blofeld is surgically changing his face and blowing up nuclear weapons from space with a diamond; and the semi-homosexual tendencies of Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are something to be concerned about. D+

Day 13: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

James Bond is known for women, cards, and martinis. He is always on his game, using his knowledge and training to get what he needs in order to succeed. However, there has never been a time to explore the softer side of Bond. On Her Majesty's Secret Service gives us the opportunity to explore the side of Bond that we don't normally see during his other escapades. The first scene with Bond has him saving a woman from drowning herself in the ocean. Little does he know that this same woman would be the only daughter of Draco, the head of a European crime syndicate, a man who helps provide information regarding Blofeld's whereabouts since his disappearance from Japan. Draco wants his daughter, Tracy, to be wed and offers Bond a million pounds if he is the one who becomes her husband. This allows to see a certain side of Bond we have never seen before regarding a serious romance instead of the usual one-night flings he's had on several previous occasions.

This is the only appearance of George Lazenby as Bond. It is unfortunate as you can see why the producers had chosen Lazenby to fill Connery's shoes. Despite his height, Lazenby had the attitude and general allure Connery possessed. Director Peter Hunt, his only film as well, did a wonderful job of revealing Lazenby before the pre-credit sequence. Audience-goers had to have realized that Connery would not be returning for Secret Service, so Hunt was tasked with transitioning between actors without pretending nothing had happened off-screen. After a few close-up shots of Bond lighting a cigarette, then medium shots of his back running to the water to save Tracy, Hunt finally shows us this new face of Bond and his first line is: "Hello. My name is Bond. James Bond." Flawless.

At the time, this was the longest adventure until Casino Royale topped it by two minutes. Necessary because not only was Bond trying to foil Blofeld's plan (again), but there was also needed to be an opportunity to explore the romance between he and Tracy. Bond admits he is the bachelor type and not one to settle down. However, as he becomes more and more infatuated with Tracy, Bond realizes that becoming a married man may not be so bad after all.

After the wedding, Bond and Tracy stop on the side of the road to take all the flowers off the car, but somehow Blofeld (who is in a neck brace after a wonderful action sequence involving bobsleds) and his assistant, Irma Bunt, have followed them and Irma fires several bullets into their car killing Tracy. Bond is stunned and falls into denial over he death. He mutters "we have all the time in the world" over and over again and the final shot of the film is the bullet hole that has penetrated the windshield. On Her Majesty's Secret Service is not only another formulaic Bond outing, but it is also one of the very few times we get to see Bond's emotional side instead of the physical, gun-toting agent we have seen several times before. C+

Day 9: You Only Live Twice

You Only Live Twice was the first Bond film that gave us a gap in years. That's because producer Albert Broccoli wanted to give the franchise a fresh look. Think of it in terms of a reboot, though not entirely forgetting what had been established for the first four years. The first major change was bringing in a new director, Lewis Gilbert, who was nominated for his work on Alfie. The second was giving writer/adapter Richard Maibaum some time off and handing the reins over to children's author, Roald Dahl. The same Dahl who gave us Fantastic Mr. Fox, BFG, and several other classic stories. Building off what had been established in earlier films, Dahl decided to allow us a look at Blofeld's face and give him a secret lair that would become a Bond necessity for villains later in the series.

However, this would also become the film that would put the series over the top in terms of plausibility. Granted, there needs to be a sense of disbelief when it comes to Bond himself, but if you put Bond in a locale that is well known for something, it must be included in Bond's adventure. So Bond goes to Japan. What does he encounter? Ninjas of course. These ninjas, however, will be at Bond's disposal as he befriends Tiger Tanaka, one of the best Bond allies thus far.

From what I can recall, this is also the first instance that Bond actually goes undercover by using an alias. Posing as Mr. Fisher when he enters Osato Chemicals, Bond does what he does best by grabbing as much information as he can through conversation instead of slinking through the halls stealing valuable information from the enemy. Something we've come to expect from spies in general is not only using brawn but using brains as well and Bond does this quite nicely until Osato decides to kill him on his way out.

The women involved during Bond's mission were both sexy and alluring, yet for some reason, two women were needed. First, there is Aki, who is Tanaka's right hand girl helps Bond during his escape from Osato's building and is always in the right place at the right time. She is essentially the person who happens to know everything before it happens. She develops a crush on Bond and they eventually consummate their relationship, but she is unfortunately killed halfway through the film. A drop of poison intended for Bond's mouth ends up in her instead all because they are restless during sleep (another instance of implausibility). Second is Kissy, the woman Tanaka wants Bond to marry to keep him undercover. Kissy seems to be essentially useless other than the ability to call upon Tanaka's ninjas for the assault on Blofeld's lair. To me, Aki is the real Bond girl.

Blofeld, himself, is the epitome of an evil villain. He has a menacing scar across half of his face, his world domination plan is completely flawless (until Bond stops it), and his voice is cool and collected. No actor has played Blofeld more than once (except for the two films that just had Blofeld's body), but this is the first film that we see his face and director Gilbert does an excellent job of finally revealing the face that made Bond jump through so many hoops to foil his plans.

The climax is a long and loud one, one that should be included in every Bond film and will be as the series progresses. Blofeld's escape does not make us sigh in regret because the bad guy didn't get his just desserts. Our minds are fixed on ninjas and henchmen battling it out in a hollowed out volcano. And if that isn't part of the formula of a perfect Bond film, I'd stir it in somewhere. B-

Day 6: Thunderball

After taking a few days off from my Bond marathon, I returned to my couch and popped in Bond's fourth adventure. Thunderball was the fourth film in as many years and after viewing it, I could tell the producers were outdoing themselves with each outing. This film had the most extensive (and expensive) underwater sequences I can recall and it lifted the film to new standards that most other Bond films could not compete with. Though I claimed this to be my favorite Connery Bond film years ago, I have to retract that statement based on the fact that this plot was still very weak in terms of dealing with SPECTRE. The evil organization is still trying to defeat Bond after he killed their agents Dr. No, Rosa Klebb, and Red Grant. However as they try to kill Bond, they are trying to take over the world as well. They're aiming high.

SPECTRE's leader, Blofeld (who will become Bond's arch-nemesis, if he's not already) sends out Emilio Largo to do his bidding. Largo has a plan to steal two atom bombs from the French and extort money from the British Government if not paid in full within a certain time frame.

Bond uses his suave, sophisticated self as much as possible in this film and you can tell. He comes on to about every woman he encounters and more or less finds a way to get what he wants. Though it wasn't overly done, it seemed like this was becoming a Bond who would rather sleep his way through a mission than accomplish anything to stop it.

Terence Young returned as director as the last time and it is with Thunderball that ends the beginning era of Bond. Young established Bond a man who could not go without women, liquor, or a subtle pun. Unfortunately, the producers decided to steer away from the things that made Bond great and move him into a series of never-changing ways.

Adapting Bond while also trying to create different storylines became somewhat difficult as characters in the series thus far were either not important or not established. Yes, it is Bond that we're watching but it is also the others individuals he encounters that we like to connect with. Dominique Derval, whose brother is killed during the bomb-stealing scenario, happens to be Largo's niece, and though Bond will use her to get to Largo himself, she, along with Honey Ryder from Dr. No, is not a necessary Bond girl. Only one who will eventually allow Bond to do what he wants with her.

The plot itself seems too busy, what with SPECTRE trying to kill Bond at the same time they're trying to extort millions of pounds from the British government. SPECTRE will later learn that Bond is too much of a match and they'll have to focus their efforts solely on Bond himself. As for us, the viewers, we'll have to focus on the point that this adventure is just another opportunity to prove that Bond is a hardened, yet virile character who will eventually save us all from total destruction. C

Day 3: Goldfinger

Though I've seen Goldfinger several times, I still don't understand why many Bond aficionados consider it to be the best Bond film of all time. The continuity was very weak, many of the scenes involving cars were sped up, and Goldfinger himself seems jump the gun too early when it comes to putting his plan in place. I'll be blunt: Bond should have died several times in this film, but we're now getting to the point where the elements of Bond are becoming permanent. That is, the foe monologues his entire plan and then doesn't give a second thought to said plan being leaked to a government agency that will end up stopping him.

Though I completely agree that this was the film that set the blueprint for future Bond films, it just seems that the plot itself was full of holes. Why would Goldfinger load up a million dollars worth of gold bullion in the back seat of a car only to crush everything inside and have it returned in a cube when he could have saved himself the trouble and killed Mr. Solo along with everyone else in the briefing room? This is a man who gives himself too much work.

Oddjob's hat also bugged me. Not Oddjob himself, though he was one of the more classic sidekicks, just his hat. Why would his hat slice through a concrete statue yet barely make a mark on a human being though the hat killed her anyway? A little confusing by way of continuity if you ask me. I was also a little disappointed that the producers had to change the actor playing Felix Leiter. Surely, Jack Lord didn't do that bad of a job.

This also happens to be the film where Bond one-liners exceed their capacity. Sure the line "shocking, positively shocking" is a Bond classic, but "he had a pressing engagement", "I must have appealed to her maternal instincts," and Pussy Galore's name alone is too much to handle.

Despite all of these things, Goldfinger does carry some scenes that will forever be considered classic Bond. Bond gets his very car of the franchise, an Aston Martin DB5, equipped with the usual Q Branch gadgets. The Slazenger 1/Slazenger 7 golf ball mix-up during a high-stakes golf match. And, yes, even the passenger ejector seat with the button located inside the manual stick shift.

I won't argue that Goldfinger finalized the formula that practically all of the succeeding films in the franchise followed. I won't even argue that, yes, Goldfinger's diabolical plan was so diabolical that we Americans wouldn't have seen it coming. Luckily, Leiter was so involved Bond was didn't have to depend on his own skills to escape. I just don't understand how so many Bond fans can look past the flaws that it has. C

Day 2: From Russia with Love

It's 1963. One year has passed since Bond first graced the eyes of an unsuspecting public. Now producer Albert Broccoli has committed himself to making sure Bond's adventures are enough to satisfy the audience's tastes. From Russia was the film to start perfecting a formula that would capture all of Bond's outings (a formula I've read several times that was made perfect in Goldfinger). This pre-Goldfinger formula would include a pre-credit sequence (called a teaser), a spoken dialogue concerning the plot Bond was up against, a trip to Q Branch, and having Bond meet the bad guy early in the film.

Here, Bond never actually meets the bad guy who happens to be Blofeld, a nemesis Bond would end up clashing with several times more. And even though Blofeld is the mastermind behind this plan to turn the Russian and English governments on each other, it is Robert Shaw's Red Grant that is the major adversary in this film. He doesn't speak for most of the film until he boards the train that will become the place of his death. He is a mysterious man, hiding in shadows and eavesdropping on conversations. Grant's ability to have to speak when it comes time to confront Bond leaves something to be desired. He is much better just killing people when they're not looking.

The Russian operative who will be used for Blofeld's nasty game is Colonel Tatiana Romanova, a sight to behold when the camera focuses on her. She is also smart and takes initiative when trouble looms, instead of most of the Bond women we'll meet later. Her character is important throughout the entire film, a major turn around from Honey Ryder in Dr. No. Romanova is, after all, being used by SPECTRE to get the Lektor decoding machine.

A big chance in Bond's character is his ability to start muttering one-liners after a goon's death. It will become something that will be used way too much during the Roger Moore years, but since this is the first film that Bond finds humor in death, it is something tolerable.

Again, no song is used during the credit sequence, though it will be heard on a passing boat during Bond's first scene and the end credits. The song itself is memorable, but will unfortunately be lost in the other great songs like A View to a Kill, The Living Daylights, and my personal favorite You Know My Name. B-

Day 1: Dr. No

Before I decided to watch all of these films, I didn't realize how long it had been since I seen a Connery Bond film. I'm not a Connery fan to begin with as far as Bond is concerned, but everyone seems to remember how sexy and suave he was when the first film came out. I guess most of the people I discuss Bond with happen to be of the older generation.

Regardless, Connery was the first Bond and he pioneered the character through six films (seven if you count Never Say Never Again. I don't, but that's for another time). He wasn't a bad looking guy and he's not hard on the eyes in his 70s either, so I can at least understand why a lot of people, women mostly, found him so sexually appealing. He brought that appeal and plenty more into his first outing as Bond in Dr. No.

He is in practically every scene, giving him the ability to control the camera from minute one. Or minute 12, which is when he is introduced. For the record, Bond probably has the best introduction of any major franchise character.

"I'm Trench. Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mr...?"
"Bond. James Bond," as he lights a cigarette.
Cue theme music.

Despite all of this, the appeal of Connery and the initial film in what will eventually become a multi-million dollar franchise, Dr. No fails to get up to speed. It may be because the series hadn't found its legs yet. It could be because Bond never actually got a strong backstory (something we'd learn about 24 years later in Casino Royale). Whatever the case, Bond's foe isn't very developed. Dr. No, himself, doesn't appear for the first time in the film until a good hour into the movie, though he has a ominous voiceover part thirty minutes in. His fight with Bond is anti-climactic and his death is, well...something to shrug at.

Honey Ryder, as wonderfully-looking as she is, has no other purpose in the film but to be a catalyst for Bond once he reaches the island the good doctor has taken refuge. Sure, her scene emerging out of the Jamaican surf is one of the most classic shots of all cinema, but she doesn't appear until an hour into the film after Bond has jumped through all these hoops back on the mainland.

Overall, the film was classic Bond. Obviously, it was the first film and it will always have a place in my heart. Unfortunately, it doesn't have the opening teaser before the opening credits and I've never seen Connery jump so clumsily for a gunbarrel scene. The credits themselves will become more and more sexually subtle as Maurice Binder will find the perfect formula for them as the films themselves will do as well.

So whether this is one of your favorite Bond films or not, I guarantee that you'll have "Under the Mango Tree" stuck in your head for the rest of the evening. C-

Bond: 22 Films in 31 Days

I didn't realize how close March was when I started this blog and if you read my first entry, you'll remember I mentioned how I wanted to view all 22 Bond movies in a month, partially because because I hadn't seen most of them in a while and I can't really call myself a Bond fanatic if I don't watch them on a regular basis. I also wanted to start the series to commit myself to writing about films, albeit full-length reviews or basic ruminations about the films themselves. As long as I'm writing something down, right? Anyway, throughout the month, I'll be watching the Bond films in order of release and if I keep myself on a tight schedule, I'll have watched all 22 films in 31 days, a feat I think I will treasure once I finish it. And, of course, you're welcome to come along with me as I revisit Bond, his women, his adventures, and his adversaries.

The Crazies

It's hard to keep a straight face when there is an upcoming horror remake. Previous remakes of The Stepfather, Prom Night, Sorority Row, The Messengers, One Missed Call (do you want me to continue?) have all tanked at the box office and have become the laughing stock of so-called horror. The Crazies, however, manages to separate itself from the dregs of such tomfoolery by taking a simple premise and throwing in a legitimate mystery (however outrageous it may be) for both characters and audience to figure out together. Trouble is, the mystery is solved far too early and we are left to helplessly watch the townsfolk survive what seems to be unsurvivable.

On the first day of spring (baseball has begun after all), a man walks onto the field carrying a shotgun and Sheriff Dutten (Timothy Olyphant) is forced to shoot him where he stands because this man, also known as the town drunk, was about to do the same to him. Another man is sent to the family clinic by his family where Dutten's wife, Judy (Radha Mitchell), works. He seems to be incomprehensive to his surroundings and Judy thinks it's just a sick bug going around. Dutten, an intelligent man (they are few and far between in these horror films), tries to discover what is causing some of these townspeople to become belligerent and murderous. Taking the coroner's autopsy into account, Dutten hires a boat to scour the local lake and finds something that is, indeed, causing his town to go crazy.

Breck Eisner, whose only other major work was the forgettable Sahara, can't help but succumb to using the cliche elements of horror (first-person POVs, close angle shots of faces) but pulls it off by not yielding to the usual jump-out-and-scare-you routine. Kinda nice, since we already knew that the town was being overrun by crazy people anyway.

What also keeps The Crazies going is its ability to move the characters from place to place without dragging its feet. What I mean to say is that no where is safe. Even a car wash. As the town's population dwindles by the hour, both Dutten and his wife, along with the deputy (Joe Anderson) and Judy's young secretary, manage to move from location to location dispatching fellow townspeople when necessary and avoiding the military at all costs. No one will tell the town what is going on, so the group is left to fight for their own answers.

The Crazies, as crazy as it is, is not as crazy as it should be. The infected kill the uninfected without question (and the reason why is not entirely answered) but they're coherent enough to still understand the world around them. Understand that the crazies are not zombies, they are just humans who have succumbed to a virus that is slowly killing them and causing their skin to make them look like zombies. Despite its stop-and-go pace, The Crazies treats each scene as if the survivors are out of the forest, yet there is still something, or someone, wanting to end their quest for survival.

As the conclusion of the film nears, we are supposed to prepare ourselves for a sequel. This is horror, after all, and studios become blinded by the fact that they believe we want to see more of the same. It's evidenced by those remakes mentioned above. I'm sure The Crazies will bring in the same amount of cash as the usual horror remake (read: not much), but at least The Crazies is a movie I can watch again with serious intent instead of laughing at them like I usually do. B-

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Based on Rick Riordan's teen series of the same name, the plot of Percy Jackson is simple. Once it manifests itself. There are several parts of the story, however, that need to be set up and since this is the first chapter in what should be intended as a franchise, Percy's story needs to be established before we decide whether or not we like the characters that are placed before us.

I suppose we should start form the beginning: Zeus's lightning bolt has been stolen and Zeus accuses Poseidon's son of making off with it. Poseidon is appalled that his own brother would even think of pointing fingers at his nephew, but we'll later learn that there is a code between humans and gods that will take some mental power to follow.

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman, who I'm sure we'll seeing more of in the coming years) is a high-school student whose greatest weakness is self-prescribed dyslexia. Percy sees English as Greek and vice versa, which isn't so much dyslexia as it is subconscious transference. He lives with his mother (Catherine Keener) and her boyfriend (Joe Pantoliano) who is the epitome of all things slimy. On a field trip to a museum containing Greek history, his English teacher pulls him aside and demands he return Zeus's lightning bolt, lest the gods wage war on each other. Percy, of course, understands nothing about what is going on and is rushed by his mother and his best friend, Grover, who also happens to be his protector, to a camp for demi-gods (half-god, half-human, in case you were wondering) hidden deep within a forest located conveniently next to a lake. Along the way, his mother is taken captive by a minotaur sent by Hades.

As Percy begins to adjust to this new life, Chiron the centaur (Pierce Brosnan) explains to him that Poseidon is his father and that he is the one accused of stealing Zeus's bolt. In fact, all the kids at Camp Half-Blood are offspring of Greek gods.

So after a well-paced, not-your-average capture-the-flag battle, Percy decides to leave the camp on his own to find the entrance to Hell, get his mother back, and find and return Zeus's bolt. All in a day's work, right? Grover, and a fellow demi-god AnnaBelle (Alexandria Daddario) also decide that they are going to accompany Percy on this treacherous journey. But as one of their fellow demi-god warriors explains: getting into Hell is easy, getting out is the hard part. So they must begin a cross-country journey finding three pearls that will allow them exit out of Hades. A journey that will cross paths with Medusa, the Hydra, and the Sirens. I'll leave it you to guess where the entrance to Hell might be.

With a cast that reeks of acting talent (Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson, Uma Thurman to name a few), not one actor is able to stand out among the rest because of the amount of screen time they're given. After all, the movie is called Percy Jackson and the Olympians, not the other way around.

Even though the screenplay still needed some work in the dialogue area, the special effects and action sequences make up for it. Chris Columbus has experience in filming scenes with several components (see the first two Harry Potter's) and that experience pays off here. Despite the plot being full of minor details and silly holes, Percy Jackson is a fun adventure that takes Greek mythology and turns it into something updated and modernized for younger viewers. Yes, history can be fun! C+

Getting Started

As this is my first entry for an entirely new blog, I feel the need to say something ground-breaking and memorable here, but I guess this will have to do: I love movies!

And so do several others, as evidenced by the fact that there are countless amounts of reviews out there just waiting to be read. Some reviews exalt the film in question, others urge you to not touch it with a ten-foot pole. So I've decided to add myself to the growing number of critics, who have spent many sleepless nights supporting the fact that the film they have just watched either sucks or rocks. Or somewhere in between.

I've been a writer for as long as I can remember and for the life of me, I've never so much publicly published an official copy of my work. What you're reading now is what I believe my first outing as an amateur writer. That's not to say I'm just beginning. I'll show you notebooks and folders full of story ideas, screenplay dialogues, and character arcs. But what you'll read here is something that I've decided to whole-heartedly pursue: movie criticism. As far as I know, I don't need a degree to tell you my opinion, but I do hope that you'll treat this blog as another website you, as a fellow movie lover, surf regularly.

This blog is also committing me to continue writing on a regular basis and put my work up for criticism itself. My reviews are, of course, my own opinion and you should in no way take them for what they are. Feel free to leave your comments on my reviews or thoughts on films that I will periodically post. I don't expect you to agree with what I write, but if you're reading this (or continue to) I know you're at least considering my thoughts about films.

To end this first entry in this newfound criticism blog, let me tell you what you can look for in future posts. You will, of course, see film reviews, hopefully on a consistent basis. I have a few articles in mind about the Oscars and my thoughts on nominees as I hurriedly try to catch up before the winners are announced. I also had a Most Disappointing List of 2009 I had mentally written, so look for that to make its way to print in the coming weeks. Next month I'd like to start a post entitled "Bond: 22 Movies in 30 Days." That's just like me, isn't it?

Well, I hope I've grabbed your attention with this first blog entry. I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not this is a blog worth reading. I know if I keep writing it, though, people will read it and that alone makes it worthwhile.

Enjoy the movies everyone!